It has been an extremely busy couple of months. I feel like I say that I’ve been busy in all of my blogs, but I don’t think anything compares to the busyness I’ve felt in these past few weeks. Full time ministry is hard for many reasons. Especially when you’re surrounded by so much need. Both physical and spiritual.
I have to confess that here lately, I have been putting my job and the responsibilities that come with it before my rest in the Lord and it’s caused some suffering personally. I’m a perfectionist and don’t have it in me to do anything halfheartedly. And while that can be a blessing, it can also be a curse, and the devil can and does definitely use this against me. He likes to see me run dry. He likes to see me without rest. Without spending time with the Lord. Without patience. Relying on my own very limited human strength.
It’s funny because I feel like I’m preaching to the choir. At the beginning of this month, I went with Pastor Ronnie, the pastor of our church here, to visit with a young woman in a facility who lives in a cycle of prostitution and drugs. As I walked with her, held her hand, and asked her about her dreams and her little boys that she loved so much, she told me that she didn’t want to stay in this facility because she was alone and couldn’t have contact with her husband or kids. I asked her if she’d ever been on an airplane before and she said no, but she would love to travel one day. I then explained that there are all kinds of safety measures on planes just in case different things went wrong, one of them being oxygen masks. And every single time you get on a plane, they explain to you that if the oxygen masks were to deploy, that you should put your own on before trying to help anyone else because if you don’t have the oxygen to breathe yourself, you won’t be able to do anything for anyone else. And I used this analogy for her situation – for taking care of herself first so that she could take better care of her family, break the cycle of drugs and prostitution, and be the mom and wife she dreams to be.
However, since that day, the Lord has tugged on my heart to follow my own advice. This is the way that God so intentionally designed us: to do the work He’s called us to out of rest, not rest from work. He designed us for rest to be primary, not secondary. God created man on the 6th day. On the 7th day, God rested. So man’s first full day on the face of the earth was a day of rest before God charged him with responsibilities. And He saw that this was good. There are so many verses that have popped up in different ways throughout this month reminding me to be still in the Lord and rest in Him.
I try my best to meditate on one verse a week and have been loving a book that I got before I moved down here called Breath as Prayer: Calm Your Anxiety, Focus Your Mind, and Renew Your Soul by Jennifer Tucker. It has quick devotionals with a verse that you recite while focusing on your breathing. I then write the verse in my prayer journal and use it to guide my prayers. This book has become a go-to gift for friends because I personally have loved it so much.
Now back to the point. This week I have been meditating on Psalm 46:10.
Be still and know that I am God.
The title of this particular devotion is You Can Be Still. I love that. We CAN be still. Sometimes it feels like we can’t, like we don’t have authority over our time, we have too many things on our to do list, there are too many people that we need to take care of. But the Lord’s economy is different from the world’s. We CAN be still because “God is God. You are not God. I am not God. God is the only God. And He is in control.” And the One in control is commanding us to be still because He designed us with limitations in our strengths and abilities so that we would continually have to rest in Him to have the strength to do what He’s calling us to do.
A few days ago, when Brad Burkholder (previous board member) and his wife Sally were here, he prayed Matthew 11:28-30 over me.
Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take up my yoke and learn from me, because I am lowly and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
It was such a great reminder that the Lord wants us to lay our burdens at His feet and take up His yoke which is easy and light. We can be still and rest in Him and that’s His desire for us.
I say all of this because I’m in the middle of the battle when it comes to prioritizing rest in Him and this is what He’s working on in me. I know all of these things in theory, but I sometimes have a difficult time putting them into practice. So, I hope this reminder brings encouragement to you wherever you are in whatever season you’re in to go rest in the Lord first and He will give you the strength and wisdom to do what He’s calling you to.
What I’ve been up to this month:
We started a prayer journal at the guesthouse and it has been a blessing to get to pray for people who come in and out of the guesthouse. Most of the time, we don’t know what people are carrying when they come here, and it is truly an honor and a privilege to get to be in prayer for our SRI family in a new way throughout the year. I already can’t wait for those who have written in the prayer journal to come back next year to be able to see how the Lord has worked in their lives since they were last here.
Sponsor student updates are well under way and we’re close to finishing up! This month, Bianca and I have visited all of the schools that we partner with to take a picture of each student in the sponsorship program, update their information, and collect letters to their sponsors. Kelsi, Sarah, and Hilda have helped us a lot with that and our staff spent a few days translating the letters! They did a great job getting those knocked out! I love visiting our schools and am praying for opportunities to support them in new ways! I have loved the dinners CCED has hosted for a couple of our teams! Getting to build relationships with their faculty and students has been so good for my teacher heart in so many ways!
Our new mayor has vowed to “Light up San Juan” and I have no idea what he’s like as a politician, but I will say he has held to that vow! I went with some of my friends from bible study the other night to ride around town and look at Christmas lights and it was so much fun!
We are up to 64 blood donations from friends of SRI! I’m so thankful to see how we’ve been able to partner with the clinic in this way this year and how it has not only impacted patients at the clinic, but also at the public hospital here!
Dolly is as sweet as ever! She has become an inside dog at night and I love her snuggles!
Some tiny puppies showed up at our gate the other day. I AM NOT KEEPING THEM. However, I couldn’t let them die since their mom is nowhere to be found. They’re so tiny and incredibly sweet. I’m hoping that I can find a loving home for them (*trying to talk Kelsi into adopting them).
Sarah and Kelsi hosted Thanksgiving at Kelsi’s apartment which was so nice! The pecan pie and pumpkin dump cake were my favorites! We also celebrated Sarah’s 30th birthday by the pool!
Next month, I’m looking forward to our staff Christmas party, experiencing Christmas and New Year’s here in San Juan, and hopefully getting to do some nostalgic festivities.
Prayer requests:
- Learn to consistently put my rest in the Lord before my to-do list
- Peace for the holiday season (being away from home)
- Strength, wisdom, and unity for the SRI team
- Deepened biblical community