This past week, Dr. Adam Keesling was here. He asked me the same question this year as he did last year when he met me (and I love this question by the way). “What has the Lord been teaching you lately?” 

I had to think about it for a bit to be able to answer him because, truth be told, I haven’t asked myself that question in a long time or given any thought to it. After some thinking, I realized that I think he’s teaching me dependency on Him – releasing the “control” I believe I have and fully relying on Him for strength, peace, and joy. 

I think I’ve mentioned the story about Mary and Martha from Luke 10 in some of my previous blog posts. I think of them often. I think of how I so want to be a Mary, taking regular, intentional time to just sit with Jesus with an open heart ready to receive whatever He has to give me. But here lately, I’ve been a Martha through and through. I often let my to-do list take priority over my time with the Lord. And because I’m not taking time to rest in the Lord, I’m doing everything by my own strength and am left feeling run ragged. 

The to-do list of being the guesthouse host sometimes seems never ending. There’s constantly something that needs to be fixed, food that needs to be ordered, things that need to be prepped for the teams, planning for upcoming teams, attending to team members’ needs and questions, and so much more. It often feels like I’m always behind on my laundry list of things to do, never getting ahead of the work. Then, no matter how hard I try and fight to create time for the Lord, there seems to always be an interruption. Or when I do actually find time to sit and open my bible or pray in peace, my mind races with all of the things that still need to be done, so I don’t get a whole lot out of that time. 

Full time ministry is hard in ways that I can’t even begin to articulate. Beautiful, but exhausting when serving others takes priority over sitting with Jesus. Then I wonder if I’m even actually serving the Lord well (or at all) if I’m operating out of my own strength instead of from a place of rest and abiding in Him.

So, I ask myself, “What does it even look like to be dependent on the Lord?” Knowing you should depend on the Lord versus actually living that out can be two different ball games. I think that dependence on the Lord starts by remembering the gospel – recognizing that we must depend on God for salvation. In remembering the gravity of my sin and recognizing what I deserve because of it, while also recognizing what I received instead, leads me to cherish the freedom to directly approach God and have a relationship with Him. In looking at Jesus’ life and how He regularly separated Himself to be with the Father without distraction even amid a busy ministry full of constant need, I’m reminded that daily dependence on the Lord should not be sacrificed by the need I face. In fact, it’s the only way I can face it well. 

So I guess, on the whole, dependence on the Lord looks like leaving things that feel extremely important undone for a moment and running to the Lord. It looks like recognizing when I’m operating from my own strength instead of His and pausing to be in His presence. It looks like laying down my to-do list or rather lifting it up to Him, praying over it and asking the Lord to give me the strength and patience to get what needs to get done. 

I want to be a woman marked by her rest at the feet of Jesus, not by her always being burnt out because her to-do list was “more important.” So please pray for me as the Lord fine tunes me to be fully dependent on Him and His infinite strength. 

January Life Updates: 

• I took some time to go hiking with my friends, Hannah and Alejandro, and their kids. Alejandro built a fire and we roasted hotdogs for lunch!  
• My bible study group just finished studying the book of Ephesians! 
• We hosted 3 great teams and loved spending time with some people who are so special to me on those teams! I don’t have pictures with all of them! I’ve had lots of help in the kitchen and I’m so grateful for that!
• Blood donations are off to an incredible start for the year! We are ending this month with a total of 23 pints donated by our American group members! 
• This past week Paige Clingenpeel, licensed mental health counselor from Pine Hills Church, talked to students at two of our sponsor schools and one of the public schools in San Juan about stress management. This was the first of what I hope to be many opportunities to deepen our partnerships with the schools!
• Dolly, Hazel, and Peanut are as sweet as ever! Dolly went to doggy daycare for the first time the other day and had SO MUCH FUN! I wanted her to get used to it so that when it’s my turn to go to the capital on the weekends or when I go home it’s not a culture shock for her to stay at another house!

Prayer requests: 

• True rest at the feet of Jesus 
• Space to slow down and be still